I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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