the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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