i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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