I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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