We won't sleep together?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize