I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
