My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize