My first STD was from a foam party
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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