We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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