New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
