i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
