Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
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He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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