I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im holly from the hills drunk
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
