How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
