Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
