It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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