Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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