So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
