onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
