I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm just crazy horny about you
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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