Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drunk is a universal language darling
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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