i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
