my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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