Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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