Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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