would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
