The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
