Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
