Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
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i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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