i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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