Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
