You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
