:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
