he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We talked him into tasing himself.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
