he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
