Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
