i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
