I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the raccoons are back...
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