Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
