Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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