Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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