Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
