I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
