fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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