i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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