i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hippo gnu deer
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
