oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
