you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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