Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
