So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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