3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
