I accidentally had phone sex last night
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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