Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone came in the potted fern
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
