Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize