ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
