peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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