I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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