There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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