Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
