Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
