she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
