i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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