i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
