This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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