I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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