It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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