Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
