just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
