Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
