We're like a lot better than the average bears
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
