i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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