She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
