Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
